Mother is Unlikeable
I am not sure if this is a Skylar from Breaking Bad moment but Mother gives me bad vibes and I feel bad for Father in some respects. I know in class we have been painting Mother as the good guy and Father the bad guy in a lot of the domestic issues. I know why we have been painting Father out to be bad obviously but Mother is very judgmental and guilty of some of the same things that Father is. It rubs me the wrong way and I have grown to dislike her.
I think this is the passage that made me dislike Mother:
“He came in staggering through the waves, laughing, his hair flattened on his head, his beard dripping and his costume clinging to him immodestly; and she felt momentary twinges of dislike, so fleeting she didn’t even recognize what they were.”After Father comes home from an expedition for years and goes along with everything she throws at him, Mother has beef with him for living his best life? I just don’t get it. Father is trying his best. He may be resistant to new ideas and holds antiquated ways of thinking but I don’t see him actively working against these ideas in any way. He helps care for Sarah and and her child as his own, he posts the bail money for Walker, he goes along with Mother’s sexual desires, he seeks legal counsel for Walker too. After he came back from the middle of nowhere to a different world than when he left and Mother grows to hate him? I don’t think she cuts him enough slack and instead, she wants to hate on him when he finally feels at home. I don’t want this construed as a post defending Father, he has his own problems, but I feel like he is doing a lot for her.
Side note, I also do not like her judgment of the boy. She believes he is a “strange child” just for being himself. This is kind of similar to the initial passage that made me realize my dislike of her but she feels so judgmental for someone without a lot to show for it.
Mother herself isn’t even guiltless of the same thinking that Father has at times when we see Mother very judge Walker the first time she meets him. “There was something disturbingly resolute and self-important in the way he asked her if he could please speak with Sarah.” Mother has the same ideas as the other white characters with Walker’s pride. I just do not see why she can judge Father when she has the same mindset instilled in her. It just seems hypocritical.
I recognize that Mother is obviously dissatisfied at the beginning of the book but I don’t see why that is Father’s fault. She is likely feeling the sort of dissatisfaction that women wanted to address in the women’s movement of the 1970s (cult of domesticity) but why is her frustration targeted towards him specifically? He is not doing anything to actively stop her and even gives her the opportunity to run the business while he is away. I feel like Mother’s frustration is misguided in this respect.
Overall, I don’t have any super big problems with Mother, I think she is taking some steps in the right direction but I just find her to be subtly annoying throughout the book. She judges everyone and dislikes those trying to change themselves to suit her changing wants. For these reasons, I have to say I just dislike her.
Pic unrelated.
have to say, i love the controversial blog post topics. its always a nice change of pace. onto your post itself, i think its important to recognize that mother and father are equal in the damage of this family i guess? its clearly a toxic relationship. they're both causing harm to each other. but especially i like your recognition of the disgust present in mother when new people come into her home- and even within her home (with the little boy, i feel bad for him. he's defo being neglected here). mother certainly isn't a saint- i agree with pretty much everything you said here
ReplyDeleteI don't love her either, but I don't think her treatment of Father is all that unfair. Keep in mind that they married in the late 19th or early 20th century. She likely didn't have much choice in the matter, and probably can't get divorced. He might be "doing his best," but she's not really obligated to love him for that. Her phrasing is indeed pretty harsh, but honestly I'd be pretty harsh too if I'd been forced to marry a man that I didn't particularly like
ReplyDeleteWhile I understand that she is somewhat harsh to father (as he is to her, he is cruel to her and controlling of her (He did not realize the pleasure he felt in having made her cry.)), comparing her treatment of race and Coalhouse to Father's is a gross mischaracterization of the contents of the books. While Mother indeed does have that moment, she is self-aware about that later and it is illustrated as her growth—she almost immediately goes about setting them up and inviting him into his home. Father, on the other hand, says disturbing, racist things throughout the entirety of the book, including a whole paragraph shortly after that quote. Also I don't personally find "strange child" an insult; I was a strange child—I think it's just an apt descriptor sometimes. Also I do think we are supposed to see Mother as having gone from a somewhat abusive, definitely toxic marriage where she has no love to a happier marriage with Tateh as a result of her growth from Sarah, Coleman, and the baby and also her exploration of the works of Emma Goldman. I think we are supposed to view her arc positively and her and Father's deteriorating relationship as a part of that.
ReplyDeleteIt's true that Mother's response to seeing Father in his soggy bathing costume is not particularly flattering, and we're getting an honest glimpse into her candid feelings. I will note in her defense that she says nothing of this aloud, and Father remains blissfully unaware of how awkward and off-putting he looks stepping out of the water. But by sharing her private impressions with us, it does feel a bit like the two of us are sharing a mean private joke at poor Father's expense. I'm sure he looks very handsome and attractive in his bathing costume, and Mother should stop being so mean in her private thoughts! But for me as a reader, when she's getting to know the Baron and is taken with his enthusiasm and energy, it feels like a good development in her life. It's not really Father's *fault* that he is alienating his wife--so much in this novel is not Father's fault, but he's left behind by history nonethelss.
ReplyDeleteMother is unlikeable in certain ways, and I would agree that she is quite hypercritical of others around her. However, I don't think she is as bad as you make her out to be. I particularly don't agree that Mother shouldn't have "beef with [Father] for living his best life". He just leaves Mother to take care of a young child and an elderly Grandparent (plus the business, and other tasks). Mother is angry and stressed in the beginning of his travel, and she has plenty of time to build up the anger and loose feelings for him. It is only reasonable that she is unwilling to cut him some slack after what she put up with without any help.
ReplyDeleteWow this definitely a hot take. I agree that Mother saying the little boy is strange is a little bit weird, he's growing and exploring, of course he is not like a "normal" adult. That being said, I completely disagree with what you said in the beginning. Father went away and Mother changed. You say Father had to go along with Mother's sexual desires, at the same time I'd like to draw attention to how he was surprised she was willing and didn't have tears in her eyes. There is also the unflattering depiction of Father, however I think this is more of a sign of how Mother is changing. It is natural for people for people to fall out of love and this is the first time we see how the new Mother does fit with the old Father. Additionally, everyone judges everyone, even unconsciously. It's just better to leave those thoughts unsaid.
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